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Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs

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Out With the Old, In With the New [Nov. 12th, 2006|10:32 pm]
Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs


[Inside the Fandom Heartthrobs Secret Headquarters, our intrepid heroes have called an emergency meeting… Lucius enters.]

So kind of you to finally arrive.

Sorry I’m late.  Traffic was a real bitch.

Legolas: Why didn’t you just Floo or Apparate or whatever the hell it is you wizards do?

Lucius: …Hindsight is 20/20.


Lucius:  So why’d you guys call me here anyway? What’s so important?

[Sesshomaru and Legolas share a look.]

Legolas: *ahem* Take a seat, Lucius.  We have something to tell you.

Lucius:  Oh God, I had a feeling this was coming.  Listen, let me be the first to say ‘Congratulations’ and I’d love to be the best man at your wedding.

Sesshomaru:  What?!

Legolas:  No! Geez!  That’s not why we called you here! Now sit down.

Lucius:  Then what is it?

Sesshomaru:  It’s about your membership in the Fandom Heartthrobs.

Lucius: What?

Legolas:  Sesshomaru and I have been discussing it, and we feel you just don’t meet our needs at this time.  But we’ve written you a Letter of Recommendation.

Sesshomaru:  Good luck in your future endeavors.

Lucius:  YOU’RE KICKING ME OUT?!  Why?!

Legolas:  Calm down, I’m sure you’ll make some lucky group of fictional heartthrobs very happy someday.

Sesshomaru:  You just don’t really fit in with us, that’s all.  Nothing personal.

Lucius:  What are you talking about? Have you seen my hair?!  Look!  BLONDE!  I’m perfect for this club.

Legolas:  …

Lucius:  What, that’s not good enough any more?

Sesshomaru:  We just think you don’t have enough in common with us.

Lucius:  What? Shall I list the ways? Besides the hair, we’ve each got a short, aesthetically-challenged sidekick.

Jaken, Gimli, and Dobby Hello!

Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius: Quiet, youse!

Lucius: As I was saying, we’ve got the hair, the sidekicks…

Sesshomaru: But that’s not enough.

Lucius:  What about the astute sense of fashion!  What about the feminity!  What about the huge legions of fangirls!  You’ll never find someone to replace me!

Legolas:  Au contraire.  We already did.

Lucius:  WHAT?!

Sesshomaru:  Yeah, we found someone with even more fangirls than you.  Plus, he’s got something in common with us that you don’t.

Lucius:  Like what?

Legolas:  Well, I’m a prince…

Sesshomaru:  And I’m a prince…

Lucius:  You’re not a prince!

Sesshomaru:  Shut up!

Legolas:  He’s… sort of a prince.  Well, plenty of people seem to think he has a castle.  It’s close enough.

  And this new guy’s a prince too.  He sent us an application the other day and he meets all our criteria perfectly.  Lucius, meet your replacement… the Half-Blood Prince Severus Snape!

[A blonde Snape enters.]

Snape:  ‘Ello ‘ello!

Lucius:  What?!  That poncy old bugger? His accent’s atrocious.  I’m bloody pissed as ‘ell I am, what what.

Sesshomaru: ….

Legolas: Snape here is the perfect addition to the Fandom Heartthrobs.

Snape:  Sorry to beat you out, old chap.  No hard feelings and what all.  I was sick of being bosom buddies with Old Whatshisface and thought I’d shack up with these blokes.

Lucius:  But Snape can’t be part of the group!

Legolas:  And why not?

Lucius:  Because he’s not even BLONDE!

[Lucius pulls off Snape’s wig, revealing *gaspshock* BLACK hair!]

Snape:  *girlish shriek*

Sesshomaru:  *faintgaspshock*  Impostor!!

Legolas:  You jerk!  You lied on your application!  We specifically stated no brunettes allowed!

Snape:  But I kind of have highlights if you look at it in the sunlight…

Lucius:  Oh bugger off, you git!  *boot*

Snape:  Yipe! *falls out window*

Lucius:  *brushes off hands* And stay out!

Sesshomaru:  Is h-he gone?

Legolas:  Yes, he’s gone.  It’s ok now.

Sesshomaru:  That was sooo scary.  His hair was some horrible dark color.  The pain.

Legolas:  There there.  It’s all over.

Lucius:  So, what do you say, mates? Am I back in the Fandom Heartthrobs for good?

Legolas:  Oh all right.

Lucius:  Wheee!

Sesshomaru:  Ahhh, my eyes!  Scary dark hair make this Sesshomaru go blind!

Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: To Be Announced!

[User Picture]From: darkamazon
2006-11-13 12:51 pm (UTC)
Snape: *girlish shriek*
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ladyathenis
2007-02-20 12:51 am (UTC)

Too funny!
(Reply) (Thread)
From: zelynujyy00
2013-02-17 07:09 am (UTC)
Locals looking for you Go Here dld.bz/chwZJ
(Reply) (Thread)