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Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs

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Three's Company [Nov. 5th, 2006|01:10 am]
Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs


[Sesshomaru has moved in with Legolas after breaking up with Kagome.  (What a Valentine's Day that was, hahaha.)  Odd Couple theme music plays.]

Legolas: Sesshomaru, get in here!

Sesshomaru: What?

Legolas: What is this? What is this? Is this a stain on my coffee table? Geez, why do I even bother putting coasters here? It's not like you use them.

Sesshomaru: What's the big deal?

Legolas: ...You're kidding me, right? This coffee table is an antique! Salvaged from Smaug the dragon's treasures and given to me by Bilbo Baggins himself! Geeeeez.

Sesshomaru: Don't make me kill you.  It'd be hard to find another roommate.  Rent these days is atrocious.

Legolas: Gas prices suck too.

Sesshomaru:  I know!

Legolas: At least you get a fat check from the government every month...

Sesshomaru: Um, hello...! I have ONE ARM!  That's totally valid disability.

Legolas: Whatever.  The only time you can't seem to manage with one arm is whenever it's time to do the laundry...

Sesshomaru: Oh boy, here it comes.  Not this again.  I told you, the bleach smell makes my eyes water.

Legolas: Suuure.

[The doorbell rings.]

Sesshomaru: Who's that?

Legolas: Probably Lucius.  I invited him over for tea.

Sesshomaru: What the hell is up with you Brits and tea all the time?

Legolas: Technically, I'm not British.  I'm Elvish.

Sesshomaru: Your skirt says differently.

Legolas: Ha ha.  Now answer the door.

Sesshomaru: *grumblegrumble* I hate that stupid Lucius.  His accent annoys the hell out of me.  And the way he always brags about how his hair color's natural.  Natural my ass.

[Sesshomaru opens the door.]

Lucius: Hello, mates!

Sesshomaru: Lucius! My good friend!  How wonderful of you to visit.  Come in, come in.  Make yourself at home.  Don't bother using a coaster.  ...Oh, hold on a sec, you've got a troll imp following you.  I'll get it.  *whips out Tokijin*

Dobby: AHHH!

Lucius:  Hey!  That's my House-Elf.  Put that bloody thing away.  You demons and your swords.  It's barbaric.

Legolas:  Is that an old pair of your underwear your servant's wearing?

Lucius: Mine? No.  I found it on the subway.

Legolas: ...  So anyway... he's an elf you say? Doesn't look like an elf.  I mean, where I come from, Elves are shining examples of aesthetic perfection.

Lucius: Yeah yeah, you're a regular Adonis.
stupid git

Sesshomaru:  Holy crap, there's a raccoon in the house!  I'll get it--oh wait, sorry, it's that elf-troll again.  Sorry.  I see him and my head screams "vermin".  My bad.

[Someone knocks on the door.  Legolas looks through the peephole.]

Legolas: Oh shit, it's the landlord!  Keep to the plan!

Sesshomaru: Right.

[Legolas opens the door.]

Legolas: Hello, Mr. Furley.

Mr. Furley: Yeah, I just came by to remind you your rent's past due.

Legolas: We'll have it for you tomorrow.  My check from Pantene will come in then.

Mr. Furley:  Great.  Say, you got company?

Lucius: How do you do, pip pip.

Mr. Furley: It's so nice to have normal tenants around here.  I had to turn down two people last week.  Unmarried hooligans.  If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my strict policy to rent to married couples only.

Legolas:  Er, right.

Mr. Furley:  And if I may say so, Mrs. Greenleaf, you're looking mighty lovely today.

Sesshomaru: ...Oh you.

Mr. Furley: Well, so long.

[He leaves.  Silence.]

Lucius:  Dude.

Legolas: I know.

Lucius: Duuude.

Sesshomaru: I know.

Lucius:  Duuuuudes.

Legolas & Sesshomaru: We know.

Lucius: He thinks you're a woman!

Sesshomaru: Shut up.  It's...easier this way.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent apartment in this city?

[Odd Couple theme music plays.  End credits roll.  Fade to black.]

Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: Out with the Old, In with the New

[User Picture]From: darkamazon
2006-11-05 02:41 pm (UTC)
*snickers* Lucius saying "Dude" and mistakenforawoman!Sesshomaru! *snickers some more*
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