Legolas's costume party was in full swing. It had been hard to get everything ready for Halloween in time--especially since that pretentious ass Sesshomaru had failed to show up to help him. Well, whatever had delayed him, he better have a good excuse. Legolas had had to work so hard that a strand of his perfect blond hair had almost gotten out of place! Imagine the damage it would have caused! Why, if he hadn't caught it in time, that would have been a full three hours wasted fixing his hair...|
It was time to schmooze with the guests. Legolas walked over to the guy dressed like a giant spider. "Naraku, hey, thanks for coming."
"No problem." Naraku grabbed an unsuspecting hobbit standing by the punch bowl and bit him. The hobbit squealed. "Hey, look at me! I'm Shelob!"
Legolas laughed. "Oh, you old kidder, you!" he said, and bumped into a large wooden staff behind him. He turned around. "Oh hey, Gandalf, buddy, glad you could make it. I know the trip from Valinor's a drag. Great costume. I love the whole hippie thing."
"What, this? No, this was a laundry mishap," Gandalf said, pointing to his tie-dye robes. "I had my clothes dry-cleaned at Tom Bombadil's. Bad idea. Stuff goes on there." He pretended to take a drag.
Suddenly a knock on the door sent Legolas into a tizzy. "Ooh, another guest! Excuse me, Gandalf." He smoothed down his green frock, and went to open the door.
"Trick-or-treat, mate," someone in a leopard print toga greeted him.
"Hello, Lucius." Legolas let him inside. "Thanks for coming."
"I can't believe it's Halloween already. It feels like we just celebrated Valentine's Day. Anyway, I brought you a centerpiece decoration for the table."
"Oh, great, this is perfect. A plastic shrunken head! Thanks!"
"Oh, yeah. Plastic. Right. So, uh, who are you supposed to be?" Lucius said, eyeing Legolas's costume. "Tinker Bell?"
"I'm Peter Pan, jackass. And you're one to talk. You look more like Jane than Tarzan in that crazy get-up."
Lucius ignored him. "Hey, is Sesshomaru here yet? I've got to warn him. Kagome found out about the party, and she's coming."
"What? I thought they broke up."
"They did." Lucius leaned in to whisper confidentially. "Between you and me the bitch is crazy."
"Oh, well, Sesshomaru hasn't shown up yet. In fact, he was supposed to come over early to help me set up. But everyone else I invited is here."
"Well, no worries," Lucius said. "You got it done without him, and everything looks great. Hey! You even hired real goblins to accentuate the decorations."
"Lucius, those are hobbits."
"Oh, right." He paused. "Man, they're ugly. You really had to travel across Middle-Earth with those buggers? How did you survive?"
Legolas winked. "I had a mirror with me in case of emergencies. No one should be forced to stare at ugly all day. If you think those hobbits are bad, you should have seen Aragorn. Dude never once showered. I had to hold my nose halfway through Moria."
"Ooh, harsh," Lucius said.
Suddenly a dark figure walked up behind him. "Lucius Malfoy."
Lucius turned around. "Severus Snape." He was wearing a long black cape, white face paint, and fake fangs. "You dressed up like a vampire? Isn't that a tad predictable?"
"Well, you remember all those old rumors the fangirls had going around. Thought I'd humor them and be ironic."
There was another knock on the door, slow, booming, and ominous. "Oh," Legolas said, "That must be Sesshomaru." He opened the door. Standing there was a tall figure cloaked in black holding a long scythe, and wearing a pumpkin on its head. There were no eyeholes, but somehow he was able to walk in as though he could see through it.
Lucius snorted. "Lame costume. Who are you supposed to be, Pumpkinhead?"
Legolas joined in, taunting. "Peter Peter, Pumpkin Eater?"
"The Headless Horseman?"
"Lamey McPumpkinface?" Legolas and Lucius burst into laughter.
The cloaked figure swung his scythe at Lucius, who jumped out of the way. "Hey, hey, c'mon now. We're just teasing. No need to be a git about it." The figure swung again, this time nicking Lucius's arm. "Bloody hell! That better not leave a scar, or you're dead, mate!"
Legolas got in between them. "Now, now, cool it, you two. This is a party." Suddenly the doorbell rang. "Now who could that be...." Legolas opened the door, and someone with radiant , platinum blonde hair walked in wearing a coconut bra and hula skirt.
"Sorry I'm late, fellas. But I had to search five different stores before I could find a Tropical Beach Barbie outfit in my size."
Everyone's jaw dropped. "Sesshomaru!" Legolas cried. "But if you're there, then who's this guy?" he said, pointing to the cloaked figure.
A low, evil cackle made its way from beneath the pumpkin mask. The figure viciously swung its scythe towards Legolas's neck and connected with...
"My hair! My beautiful, long blond hair! It's ruined!" The golden tresses lay murdered on the floor. Legolas fainted.
"Noooo! Noooo! Noooo!" Lucius shrieked, hysterical at the irreparable injury done to his friend.
The cloaked figure pulled off its pumpkin mask, and swore. "Dammit, dammit, dammit! I missed! I thought that one was Sesshomaru. Through this stupid mask you all look the same and I can't hear anything." Kagome stared at the three blond men then. "Well, actually, you all kind of look the same anyway. Oh well." She turned to Sesshomaru before walking out the door. "That's for dumping me, dick."
Sesshomaru watched her go, and then looked at Legolas's new haircut. It was a nightmare of uneven layers and split ends. "Ouch. Now that's just scary."
Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: Three's Company