|Episode I: Lamentations of the Fandom Heartthrobs
||[Oct. 8th, 2006|06:30 am]
Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs
[Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius Malfoy are sitting at a bookstore café, drinking coffee.]|
Lucius: So, what I don’t get is why fangirls are after me. I mean, you two have the whole androgynous hottie thing going on. I’m like, creepy 40-year-old middle-aged villain guy.
Legolas: Chicks dig baddies, man. I mean, throw in any angsty hottie with a troubled past and he’s bound to get some attention. Hell, if Sauron wasn’t a giant incorporeal eyeball, you know the fangirls would be all over him trying to hit that.
Lucius: I guess.
Sesshomaru: Plus you’ve got the Barbie doll hair. That always helps.
Lucius: *sigh* True dat.
Sesshomaru: At least you guys don’t have to put up with a horribly emasculating nickname.
Legolas: People call me Legsy. Or Leggy.
Sesshomaru: C’mon, that’s not nearly as bad as Fluffy. Ugh, makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a dull spoon.
Legolas: Ok, ok, ok, I’ll give you that. But what about the slash writers? I’ve looked into Aragorn’s “dreamy” eyes more times than I can count. And then there’s the people who pair me with Gimli *shudders*
Lucius: Oh yeah? I’m just lucky if I don’t get paired with some underage boy wizard.
Sesshomaru: Oh you stupid, ignorant, lucky bastards. I have three words for you: My. Own. Brother.
Lucius: Wow. You win, man. No contest.
Sesshomaru: Whoa, look at the time. I’m due to stare off the edge of a cliff in three minutes, boys.
Legolas: I gotta be going, too. I have a hair appointment at 5. Highlights. You know how it is.
Lucius: Gotta keep up the ‘do. We know exactly how it is. Same time next week, fellas?
Sesshomaru: You know it.
Next time on Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs: So Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius Malfoy walk into a bar...